


A Different Kind of Freedom

by angstytimelord



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mindfuck, Ownership, Will thinks he knows what's best for him, dub-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 11,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstytimelord/pseuds/angstytimelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Only Hannibal can make Will feel this alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fire of the Newly Alive

Will blinked as he awakened, reaching out for the man next to him, only to realize that Hannibal wasn't there. At some point, his lover had left him alone in their bed -- though he shouldn't be surprised at that. He knew that Hannibal was an early riser.

Sitting up, he raised his arms above his head, stretching his body beneath the silk sheets. The feel of those sheets against his bare skin was almost decadent.

He knew that when he pulled the covers back, his body would be bruised, dark marks on his pale skin, welts from the whip that Hannibal had used on him last night alongside them. But they didn't seem to matter; those marks showed him who he belonged to.

Not that he needed to be told. He already knew who owned him.

Just the thought of his lover was enough to set his body on fire again; even after all they'd done last night, and the fact that he'd been pleading for Hannibal to stop by the end of the evening before he'd tumbled exhausted into sleep, he still wanted more.

Before he had met Hannibal, he would never have thought that the kind of activity they engaged in would be something he would enjoy. Funny how finally losing his virginity had shown him just who he was, and just what he wanted out of a physical relationship.

Every time they had sex, he awoke in the morning feeling energized, as if he'd somehow been taken apart and reassembled the night before. He had a new purpose, a new meaning to his life. He was newly alive, on fire with possibilities for his future.

No one else could ever make him feel so alive. No one else could give him what Hannibal did; even without having been with anyone else, he was sure of that. Hannibal was the only one he wanted, the only one he needed. The only person he would ever be with.

Of course, Hannibal would never let him be with anyone else, even if he'd wanted to.

He had given up that freedom when he had gotten into this relationship. He belonged to Hannibal, in every way, shape and form. There was no escape for him; he had known from the moment Hannibal had first touched him that he no longer had that freedom of choice.

But it didn't matter. He didn't want anyone but Hannibal; he didn't _need_ anyone else. No one else could stoke that fire in him; no one else could be Hannibal.

Pushing the covers back, Will stood up slowly, wincing as his bruised body protested. He'd feel more like facing the day after a long, hot shower, he told himself. And maybe, just maybe, his lover would join him in that shower and continue what had started last night.


	2. Brighter Than the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one will ever understand the depth of Will's _need_ for Hannibal.

Will glanced into the mirror as he ran a hand through his hair; if he didn't hurry, he was going to be late for work, and that was the last thing he needed to deal with today. He hadn't been himself for the last few weeks, and he was sure that someone would remark on that.

He'd been much happier since he and Hannibal had become intimate, and he was surprised that no one he worked with had seemed to notice that yet.

Maybe they'd been expecting him to find someone who could turn his usual dour attitude around. Though no one would possibly guess that it was Hannibal -- and no one could know anything about the kind of relationship the two of them shared.

If they did, they'd probably turn their backs on Will for good.

They would all think he was some kind of pervert, that he was sicker than some of the murderers he helped to track down. They'd never be able to understand that he desperately _needed_ what Hannibal gave him, that he needed to be overpowered and owned.

No, all they would be able to see was what they perceived as a kind of darkness. They wouldn't be able to see that his relationship with Hannibal lit up his world, that his life had gone from being dark and dreary to being brighter than the sun.

It was a shame that no one he worked with would ever be able to understand the depth of his need; he would never be able to talk to anyone about what Hannibal meant to him, how this man's ownership of him, body and soul, had opened up a whole new world.

He understood himself much better now than he ever had; he had merely been treading water until he'd met Hannibal, trying to hold on to a standard of what other people considered decent and civilized that he'd never really been able to fit into.

Maybe he was decadent, but he reveled in it.

He wasn't going to try to explain his need for what Hannibal gave him to anyone; he didn't think he could. It was enough that the need existed, and that after searching for fulfillment for his entire life, he'd finally found it in one person, a person he'd never dreamed he would be with.

Hannibal was all he wanted, all he needed. If he had to make a choice between everything else in his life, and being with Hannibal, he knew what he would choose.

Adjusting the collar of his shirt, he turned from the mirror towards the bedroom door. He wouldn't have time for breakfast, and he hoped that Hannibal wouldn't insist on it. They'd have time enough for a leisurely meal this evening -- before their nightly activities began.


	3. Burning Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal has an unexpected reaction to Will sleeping late.

He wasn't going to linger long in the kitchen with Hannibal, Will told himself firmly as he made his way down the stairs. He would just have time enough for a cup of coffee, though he was sure that the older man would be more than a little annoyed that he'd slept so late.

"You're late, Will," Hannibal told him as he walked into the room, turning from the stove to frown at him. "You're not going to have time to eat breakfast."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Will said as he sat down and picked up the coffee cup that Hannibal always gave him whenever he had breakfast here. "I didn't mean to sleep so late. I think I was just exhausted after last night, and --" His words stopped, cut off by a gasp.

Hannibal had stepped behind him, threading his fingers through Will's hair and yanking his head back.

"I don't want to hear excuses, Will," he said, his tone of voice carrying a warning. Will didn't dare nod, didn't dare make a sound. The hand in his hair was painful enough; he didn't want to know what else Hannibal could do if he made a single sound.

"Still, I suppose that it is partially my fault, as I could have taken the time to wake you earlier," his lover continued, releasing his hold on Will's hair. "So you're forgiven for today. You _were_ quite tired out last night. I can hardly blame you for needing to rest."

"Until I started spending nights here, I wasn't getting _any_ rest," Will murmured, sipping at his coffee. It was just the way he liked it; Hannibal never seemed to forget how he took his coffee. He felt flattered that this man should lower himself to make coffee for him.

Suddenly he was hungry, but not for breakfast. He wanted nothing more than for Hannibal to take him back upstairs again, to strip his clothes off, to leave more bruises and welts on his body. He wanted Hannibal to mark him as _his_ again, to leave him begging for more.

But assuaging his burning hunger for Hannibal would have to wait.

Unfortunately, he couldn't simply walk away from his work, no matter how tempting it might be to beg his lover to take him back to bed. Reluctantly, Will drained the last of his coffee, standing up and shoving his hands in his pockets, feeling a little awkward.

"Have a good day, Will," Hannibal said, turning from the stove again to let his eyes roam over Will's body. "I trust that I will see you again tonight."

"You'll definitely see me," Will murmured, turning around and leaving the kitchen, his steps dragging as he approached the front door. The last thing he wanted to do was to leave when this hunger for Hannibal was still burning within him -- but that hunger would be sated in just a few hours.


	4. The Day the World Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will's entire life changed on the day that he first met Hannibal Lecter.

Will couldn't help smiling as he got out of his car, pulling his keys out of his jacket pocket. He had enough time to relax at home for a while after he fed the dogs and let them out for a run, then maybe take a shower before he headed back into the city.

Back to Hannibal. That thought made his heart thump in his chest; he would be spending the night with his lover again tonight. That had happened more and more often lately.

He was starting to feel as though he belonged at Hannibal's home more than he did here, which could be a big problem in the future. He could probably move in with Hannibal fairly easily -- but giving up his independence and his freedom would be a lot harder.

That would be a huge change in his life.

But then, he had been going through a lot of changes lately, more than he could count. The day that he had met Hannibal was the day the world had changed for him -- and even though not all of those changes had been for the better, he still embraced them all.

Without Hannibal in his life, he would go back to being the lonely, isolated man he'd been before that first kiss, the kiss that had changed everything. He would go back to being someone who didn't really know who he was or where he belonged.

With Hannibal, he _knew_ who he was. He wasn't so much Will Graham as he was Hannibal's boy; to his surprise, he didn't mind being thought of in that way. Being owned was still a new and strange sensation, but not an unpleasant one. Not unpleasant at all.

In fact, in some ways, he _enjoyed_ knowing that Hannibal could claim ownership of him, enjoyed not having to take responsibility for himself all the time. It was good to turn those reins over to someone else, and to take some pressure off himself for a while.

Besides, it was what Hannibal wanted. And what Hannibal wanted, he always got.

The day they had met was the day that Will's whole world had changed; everything he knew and felt had been turned upside down. Ever since that day, his life had never been the same -- and he would never want to go back to the way he had been living until that point.

He was happy with Hannibal, as strange as it might seem. He would have never thought he'd be happy with this kind of a life, but he'd surprised himself.

Will was still smiling as he locked the front door and went back to his car. He couldn't wait for this night with Hannibal to start; he wished he was already there, ready and waiting. Of all the changes that had taken place in his life lately, this one was by far the best.


	5. Sugarcoated World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world Will shares with Hannibal is so different from the reality that everyone else lives in.

Snow began falling on the drive to Hannibal's house; it didn't deter Will in the slightest. Even though he'd grown up in Louisiana and hadn't been used to driving in the snow until he'd moved to Wolf Trap, he had no problems with navigating through it.

Of course, if he'd waited for much longer to leave his house, he might not have been able to make it to Hannibal's tonight. And that would have been a disaster.

If that had happened, then he would have had to endure some sort of punishment for not being there tonight. And Hannibal's punishments were never easy to handle; Will had found that out once, and he didn't want to offend again if he could possibly avoid it.

That was more trouble than it was worth.

Will suppressed a shiver at the thought; he hated seeing his lover angry. Hannibal never sugarcoated that anger; he let it out in its full force. Will had only been the brunt of that anger once, and he'd spent the next two days in pain after Hannibal's anger had subsided.

He had been surprised that the whip hadn't left more permanent marks on his body, but he was lucky in that respect. The lashes had faded after a couple of weeks, but the memory of the pain they'd inflicted was still there. He didn't want to feel that kind of pain again.

Still, if Hannibal wanted it to happen, then he would grit his teeth and bear the pain, if it pleased the other man. Anything Hannibal wanted, he would do -- well, within reason. There were some points where he would have to draw a line, and hope that Hannibal would agree not to cross it.

Hannibal never sugarcoated anything, Will thought with a slight smile. He was demanding and sometimes harsh, but Will had known from the beginning that gentleness wouldn't be his lover's style. He had walked into this world with his eyes wide open.

The world he shared with Hannibal wasn't like the snow-covered, sugarcoated world around him now.

When he crossed over the threshold of Hannibal's home, this sugarcoated world would fall away, replaced by a world that most people wouldn't be able to understand, a world that Will reveled in. A world that he _needed_ to center himself, to hold on to his identity.

He knew who he was in that world -- when he felt increasingly isolated from the reality that he faced every day in his work, and his dealings with other people.

He couldn't wait to get back to that world, the world where he had his place and knew just what it was. It was so different from the sugarcoated world that surrounded him now, Will thought, pressing down on the gas pedal. It was the only world he belonged in -- the only place he wanted to be.


	6. Desire Brought To Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being with Hannibal has brought an unexpected light into Will's life.

Will heaved a sigh of relief as he parked his car in front of Hannibal's house; even though night had fallen and darkness had closed in around him on the drive here, the world around him felt much brighter now. Just being here at Hannibal's home soothed his soul.

He could swear that being inside that house brought a light into his life that wouldn't be there otherwise; it was the only place where could feel light shining through to him.

The rest of the world usually felt like a dark and inhospitable place, a place that had never accepted a boy who had always been beyond the pale, on the outside looking in. But when he was with Hannibal, he was accepted and even loved for exactly who he was.

He'd never had that kind of love before. Never.

Maybe others wouldn't see it as love. Maybe they would see the relationship as Hannibal using Will, as him letting himself be dominated. But he couldn't view what they shared in that light. To him, what they shared didn't seem unusual at all.

Others might think it was deviant, but to Will, the relationship he shared with Hannibal had brought so many of the shadows that had always permeated his life into the light. Hannibal had brought out desires that he'd always been afraid to acknowledge having.

Having those desires brought out into the light and studied, making them the focus of the relationship they shared, had helped him more than any amount of psychiatry could have. Hannibal knew exactly how to help him, and Will was grateful for that help.

But he knew that he had to keep that light in his life behind closed doors. No one else would understand the kind of relationship he had with Hannibal; there might be a select few people who would, but it wasn't as if they could advertise their activities to everyone they knew.

No one even knew that he and Hannibal were a couple.

It hurt not to be able to shout it from the rooftops that he belonged to Hannibal, to let the world know that he was taken, that he was _owned_ by an amazing man. But that was something he couldn't risk people knowing; it could cause too much trouble.

So he had to hide the light that Hannibal brought to his life, and only let it show when they were together, or when he was alone in his own home.

Keeping that light hidden was a small price to pay for having it shine into his life, illuminating all of the dark corners and bringing them to brilliant life. As he bounded up the steps to knock on the door, Will couldn't hold back a smile at the thought of how brightly that light would shine tonight.


	7. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has forgotten one of the most important things in his relationship with Hannibal.

Will let himself into the house quietly, making his way from the foyer to the living room after taking off his shoes. He had thought that Hannibal might be there rather than in his office, and his guess had been correct. Hannibal was sitting on the couch, reading a book.

Without his shoes on, Will entered the room silently, not quite knowing what to say. He always felt awkward during these first few minutes of being with Hannibal.

It seemed like an eternity before his lover finally glanced up at him, only taking his eyes from the pages of his book for a few seconds. "Will, you are not naked," he pointed out before starting to read again. His words held a touch of reproof, but only a touch.

Will couldn't believe that he'd forgotten about that.

Being naked was one of the things that Hannibal had asked him to agree with when they had talked about their relationship and what it was becoming. He was only supposed to enter Hannibal's presence after he'd removed his clothes, unless he was getting ready for work.

Or unless the two of them were going out somewhere, of course. It wasn't as though he could go out in public naked -- though Will was sure that Hannibal would actually like to try that one of these days. Naked under a raincoat, possibly. That would be interesting ....

He jerked his thoughts away from that path, quickly removing his clothes and folding them carefully, laying them across one of the chairs. He didn't want to displease Hannibal, not now when the evening was only just beginning. He didn't want to be punished.

Hannibal was good at handing out punishments, but he was good at giving pleasure, as well. Will had come to realize that the dichotomy of pleasure and pain that Hannibal gave him was one of the main reasons why he craved being with this man.

He _needed_ that pain, as much as he needed the pleasure.

Will stood there, hands at his sides, waiting for Hannibal to speak to him again. Hannibal raised a hand to gesture him closer to the chair; when he moved to stand directly in front of the other man, Hannibal reached out to stroke him, bringing a soft moan to Will's lips.

"I'm a bit busy at the moment, Will," Hannibal told him, not looking up from his book. "I need you to prepare yourself for me. You know what to do."

Will nodded; he did indeed know what Hannibal expected of him. He moved to the small table by the couch, taking the tube of lubricant out of the drawer with trembling hands and popping the cap. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, his body tightening in anticipation.


	8. Liberation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With anyone else, this would feel dirty to Will. With Hannibal, it doesn't.

With trembling hands, Will uncapped the tube of lubricant and squeezed a good amount of the slippery substance onto his fingers, then sat down in the chair that Hannibal had obviously prepared with a towel for him to sit on so the lube wouldn't stain the fabric.

He leaned his head back, taking a deep breath. Hannibal might be pretending to read, but he knew that his lover was surreptitiously watching him.

Hannibal liked to play these kinds of games; he liked to make Will do something that he was uncomfortable with. It was getting easier to touch himself each time that Hannibal told him to do so, but he was still a long way from being comfortable with his own body.

Hannibal had told him that they had to work on that. 

Will spread his legs, his breath catching in his throat as his fingers brushed against his balls. It was amazing just how good it could feel to touch himself when he'd been given the freedom to do so, and he knew that he didn't have to feel shame for it.

Slowly, carefully, he eased one finger inside himself, wincing slightly as he probed deeper. He knew that his lover wanted to see his reactions to what he was doing; he made sure to tilt his hips upwards so Hannibal could see just what he was doing.

With anyone else, this would seem so dirty and _wrong_. But with Hannibal calmly watching what he was doing, it felt as though he was freeing himself from the chains of shame and guilt that had been forged around him since he was a child and had been berated for touching himself.

Hannibal had given him so much -- the freedom to be who he was, to discover more about himself than he'd ever done before. He now had the freedom to explore his own body without guilt, and to derive pleasure from his own touch. It was exhilarating, heady, inspiring.

It was liberating. It was a freedom he had never thought he would feel.

No, this didn't feel dirty at all with Hannibal. Rather, it felt as though he was giving them _both_ pleasure, even though Hannibal was a few feet away from him. He knew that his lover liked to watch him please himself; Hannibal had told him often enough that he was beautiful like this.

And he _felt_ beautiful. He felt energized, sensual, and ready for whatever Hannibal wanted to do to him. He would please himself, and then Hannibal would take over.

When Hannibal looked up from his book and their gazes met; Will slipped another finger inside himself, his eyes closing involuntarily from the rush of pleasure. He didn't know how long this would last, but he was going to enjoy every second of it while it was happening.


	9. Dance of Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this dance of desire, Will is sure that his own need is far stronger than Hannibal's.

Will moaned as he slid a second finger inside himself; his head fell back, his eyes closing. He no longer cared if Hannibal was still watching him; he was too far gone in his own pleasure to take note of anything else that was happening around him.

He didn't know how long it lasted; he kept pushing his fingers more deeply inside himself, twisting his body slightly to find his prostate and gasping when he did.

He knew that Hannibal didn't want him to make himself come; that wasn't the point of this. He was merely getting himself ready for Hannibal -- ready to be fucked senseless, if the look in Hannibal's eyes when he'd looked up from his book a few times had meant anything.

At this point, he knew how to read those glances very well.

"That's enough, Will." Hannibal's voice was clear and crisp; he closed his book and set it aside, standing up and moving towards Will. "Stand up and bend over the desk. Legs apart." His voice was almost a purr; the sound was sensual, almost an aural caress.

Will obeyed, slowly removing his fingers and standing up. He felt somewhat awkward, but he should be used to this by now, he told himself. This dance of desire was one that they engaged in often; Hannibal usually liked to take him over the desk.

Hannibal called this their civilized mating dance, but Will didn't see anything civilized about it. This was more a case of blind lust; what he had been doing only seconds before was designed simply to ignite Hannibal's desire for him, to inflame his lust to new heights.

He did as he was told, bending over the desk and closing his eyes. He could feel his body tightening with anticipation; it would only be a few moments before he felt the heat of Hannibal's body behind him, then that first deep thrust that would send sparks through his body.

He clutched at the edges of the desk, leaning forward and spreading his legs.

Will didn't want to think about he must look; he knew that he was silently begging for what Hannibal would give him, but at this point, he didn't care. He wanted Hannibal so badly that he would debase himself by begging aloud if he had to.

In this dance of desire, his need for Hannibal was more than equal to Hannibal's desire for him. He was sure that his own desire was the deeper of the two.

He heard the distinctive _snick_ of a zipper, and fabric slithering to the ground. Will held his breath, his body tense. In just a few moments, this dance of desire would be carried to the next level, and he could hardly wait for the fireworks to begin.


	10. Private Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being with Hannibal takes Will to a paradise he'd never thought he would know.

Will raised his head, taking a deep breath, his body tensed and waiting. He knew that Hannibal wouldn't give him any warning before he was entered; he seemed to like to hear Will's startled gasp, to feel his body go taut around him at that first deep thrust.

When that thrust came, Will couldn't hold back a cry; Hannibal wouldn't mind that, he knew. His lover liked to hear him cry out, to know that he was making an impression.

And what an impression it was, Will told himself as Hannibal withdrew, then thrust back into him again, harder and deeper than before. Nothing could compare to this; the pleasure and pain mingled into one, the sensations almost too much for him to bear.

It was paradise. He was being lifted above the clouds, into the sun.

Will gripped the edges of the desk, gasping as Hannibal pushed him down. He was almost laying on top of the desk now; it was hard to keep his feet on the ground with each thrust. Hannibal was usually a little rough with him, but this was something new.

He didn't mind it, not really. There was a part of him that liked being handled roughly; when he looked at his body in the mirror and saw the bruises that Hannibal had left on his skin, that was only proof that he belonged to the man he'd chosen to take as his lover.

The feeling of being manhandled was a kind of freedom, one that he'd never thought he would revel it. But being with Hannibal had opened up new horizons for him; he'd never imagined that he could feel like this, that he could give himself to anyone so completely.

His muscles were tensing, his body tightening; he was close to the edge, close to that paradise he sought. He reached for it, crying out Hannibal's name as the other man thrust inside him again, his body shuddering as his release poured over him like a flood.

He'd never thought this kind of ecstasy could exist, much less that it would be his.

Will slumped across the desk as Hannibal pulled out of him; he could feel the other man moving away, hear him picking up his clothes. He doubted that Hannibal would get dressed again; they would undoubtedly be continuing their evening upstairs in the bedroom.

He wanted to be taken back to their own private paradise again and again; the night was still young, and he was sure that Hannibal had plans for them.

Will slowly straightened up and turned around, not bothering to reach for his clothes. Hannibal was standing in the doorway, holding out a hand to him. Without a word, Will moved to stand next to him, taking his lover's hand and following him from the living room and up the stairs.


	11. Unrevealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will feels that he's shared nearly all of his secrets with Hannibal - but his lover hasn't revealed much to him.

Will followed Hannibal up the steps in silence, wondering what his lover was going to do next. He knew that they were going to Hannibal's bedroom, and that they would have sex again. But other than that, he had no idea what he should be mentally preparing himself for.

That was, of course, one of the most exciting things about his relationship with Hannibal. He never knew quite what he should expect at any given moment.

Will had to suppress a smile at the thought that flitted through his mind. Being Hannibal Lecter's lover was a little bit like playing croquet with live bombs. It was incredibly exciting, knowing that such danger was so close. But it was stressful knowing that it could all blow up in his face.

Still, he wouldn't trade this relationship for any other.

Hannibal was the only person who had been able to unlock all of the desires that he'd kept inside for so long. Hannibal was the only one who _understood_ those desires, and had the capability to fulfill all of them -- and even some others that Will hadn't known about.

Hannibal was the only person who truly knew him. He hadn't revealed everything yet, of course. Two could play at that game. But he was giving up his secrets faster than Hannibal was revealing his own; in some ways, it felt like a balancing act.

They were both always trying to find out more about each other -- but Hanniabl was better at only doling out small bits of information at a time. When Will let anything about hismelf slip, he always felt the need to explain himself, letting Hannibal in even more in the process.

He was in the darkness a lot of the time when it came to Hannibal -- Will still knew very little about his past, or even about his feelings regarding their relationship. Most of the time, he felt that darkness enshrouded his lover, figuratively and literally, just as it did now.

But at the same time, he wasn't sure that he wanted a light to pierce that darkness.

Not knowing much about Hannibal only served to make their relationship more exciting. He knew that this man fulfilled needs that he'd kept hidden from everyone -- even from himself -- for most of his life. That was really all that he needed -- or wanted -- to know.

Maybe there would be a point when he would want that darkness to be stripped away. But Will was sure that it would be a long time before Hannibal would step fully into the light.

Dimly, he could see the door to the bedroom swinging open; the lights hadn't been turned on there, either, and darkness engulfed him as he walked into the room behind Hannibal. Will's heart leaped in his chest, his pulse racing as he wondered just what unrevealed secrets lay in the darkness.


	12. Dream Becomes Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will's relationship with Hannibal is a fine line between a dream come true and a nightmare waiting to happen.

There were times when being with Hannibal was like being trapped in some dark dream that he knew he would never be able to find his way out of. At least, that was how it felt.

When his lover turned to look at him, Will had to suppress a shiver. This was going to be one of those times when he would awake in the morning with more bruises than he wanted to deal with, when he would go to work feeling uncomfortable and exposed.

No one would _know_ , but it would feel like they did.

He would never tell anyone what he and Hannibal shared; let people think that it was just a normal relationship between two men. What they would think of as normal and safe wasn't what he wanted. He _needed_ this darkness, this descent into submission.

He needed all that Hannibal gave him. He drank it in like a man dying of thirst.

The world outside the walls of this house, the _real_ world, as others would call it, felt like the dream. He didn't feel comfortable there; he didn't really know how to act, what code of behavior was expected. He had never felt as though he quite fit in.

He'd never been comfortable in his own skin -- until he'd met Hannibal. This man was showing him how to be comfortable with himself, how to integrate the two sides of who he was, the light and the dark. That had been a dream come true for Will.

He had never thought he would meet someone who could reconcile those two sides of his personality to each other -- he'd certainly never been able to do it, and if he couldn't make all of the disparate parts of his identity mesh, he couldn't expect someone else to do it for him.

But somehow, Hannibal did it. Hannibal had brought all of his desires together, melding them into one, and showing him what he really wanted. It might not always be pretty, and there were some people who would call it wrong -- but it worked for him.

Hannibal made all of his dreams come true -- except one.

He wanted his lover to love him, and he didn't think that was something that could ever happen. Hannibal had never said those three words; he never gave his heart away, never even really let Will know what thoughts were going through his head. He was never transparent.

Maybe that was for the best sometimes, but not at the moment.

When Hannibal was standing there watching him with those hooded eyes, he reminded Will of nothing so much as a hungry cat ready to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse. That look reduced to him to s frightened, whimpering mouse, wanting to run and hide.

But there was nowhere to run. And somehow, he couldn't help but feel that this would be one of those nights when a dream became a nightmare.


	13. Dangerous Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing his relationship with Will may prove dangerous for Hannibal, but he can't make himself turn away.

Will Graham was his weakness.

Hannibal didn't like admitting to that, but it was the truth. Ever since he had first seen this beautiful boy, seen the potential behind that facial scruff, the horrible thick glasses that weren't really needed, and the shapeless, sexless clothes, he'd been in danger.

Oh, he wasn't going to lose his heart. That much he knew. But he had fallen as far as he could, and he was starting to doubt his ability to get up again.

It was dangerous for him to develop any sort of feelings for Will Graham. This relationship was dangerous; he had gotten to know Will far better than he should ever think of knowing a patient, or even a friend. He had started to let Will in; he was too close.

That had to stop. Now. Tonight.

He had to exercise his mastery over Will, in every way. He couldn't let the boy go on thinking that they had a relationship as equals, or even as partners. Will wasn't his partner. Will was his submissive, his experiment. Will was his project.

That project had proven to be highly entertaining, but that was all Will could ever be to him -- entertainment. He could never allow this beautiful boy to get too close to him, to discover the secrets he still kept carefully hidden away. That would necessitate getting rid of Will.

Hannibal knew that he would never be able to bring himself to do that. He might be able to send someone else after Will, but he could never complete the deed himself. He couldn't bear to feel Will's body turn cold in his arms; it would destroy him.

Yes, he wanted to be the one to break Will -- but _broken_ was far different from _dead_. He wanted to think of Will as being vibrant and alive in his bed, not as being a cold piece of meat in his freezer like so many others, waiting to become a meal.

Will meant too much to him for that. Never that.

It wasn't love. He didn't fool himself into thinking that he was capable of love. But desire, lust -- of course. He had been driven by those feelings before, but never as much as he was where Will was concerned. Will was his weakness. A weakness that he couldn't afford.

But he couldn't bring himself to back away, to let this relationship end. Will was everything he had ever wanted or needed. He couldn't let him go. Not yet.

That time would come in the future, at some point. He would have to set Will free -- and hopefully without the boy ever having known his secrets. But until then, he have every intention of enjoying Will as much as he possibly could, savoring every moment with him.

Turning to Will, he fixed the young man with a predator's gaze.


	14. Something More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It isn't love, and Will knows that. But what he shares with Hannibal is all he needs.

The silence seemed to press in around them, like a breath being held.

Will faced Hannibal, unsure of what to say -- or even if he should say anything. Hannibal would tell him what he wanted; he was used to that, but he _wasn't_ used to being looked at in that way, with those hooded eyes, that hungry gaze.

Hannibal wanted him; he didn't doubt that. He never had. But this seemed .... different, somehow. This wasn't just desire. It wasn't simple lust. Hannibal wanted something more from him than sex.

It suddenly occurred to him just what Hannibal wanted; it didn't need to be put into words. He could tell from that dark, hungry gaze what his lover was after; Hannibal didn't need to ask for it, or make it any clearer just what he expected from Will.

Hannibal wanted his soul.

Hadn't he already given that up when they had first become lovers? a part of him argued. He had no more soul left that he could call his own. It had been given to Hannibal, freely, willingly. He had given his body and soul -- though possibly not his heart.

Did he _love_ Hannibal? He didn't think so. He was fond of him, yes, but that didn't translate into love. Love wasn't something that either of them wanted from this relationship; this was about a satiating of mutual needs, not about falling in love.

Besides, he didn't believe in that drivel. It was something that only people who read bad romance novels would expect; he was more realistic. He knew that what he shared with Hannibal could never be called love; that was too simple a word for their complicated relationship.

In moments like this, he couldn't help but wonder if he was doing the right thing by being with Hannibal. This silence that seemed to stretch into forever, that look on his lover's face that was almost terrifying even while it beckoned him to come nearer .... it was all a bit much.

But he would answer that siren call. He had no choice.

Maybe it wasn't love, but he didn't need love. He needed to have his desires fulfilled, desires that had torn at him for years before he had finally met the one man who could satisfy them. He couldn't turn away from this. Not of his own free will. Not now, not ever.

This was what he wanted, what he needed. If only the silence that had fallen between them wasn't so unnerving, making him feel as though he was balancing on a knife edge.

"Lie down on the bed, Will," Hannibal told him, his voice quiet in the darkened room. "On your stomach, hands behind your back." His tone sent a chill down Will's spine; this wasn't going to be the gentle lover, then. This would be a night of unbridled passion.

He obeyed, going to the bed and lying down, to wait for whatever came next.


	15. Panacea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will knows that at times, Hannibal only uses him as a stress reliever.

"Kneel on the bed, Will." Hannibal's voice was very soft, but there was no warmth in it. "Hands behind your back. You know what to do." In spite of the softness of his voice, his tone was clipped, expressionless. Will wondered why he sounded so cold.

Still, he did as he was told. It didn't do to disobey Hannibal, especially when he had that coldness in his voice. He didn't want to bring any punishment on himself.

Was he letting himself for more than he could handle? If he didn't know what had made Hannibal sound so annoyed, then he couldn't try to fix it. All he could do was wait until his lover's mood had run its course, and hope that he wasn't caught in the fallout.

He hoped that this wasn't due to anything he had said or done.

That couldn't be what had caused this, Will told himself, doing as he'd been told and kneeling, closing his eyes as he forehead touched the cool silk of the pillowcase. He clasped his hands behind his back, knowing that Hannibal would probably tie them there.

Within a few seconds, he could feel the weight on Hannibal's body on the bed behind him; then the other man was winding what could only be a length of silk around his wrists, tying them behind his back, though not too tightly.

Will couldn't help but smile at that. He knew that he wouldn't be able to free himself from his bonds; his lover knew how to tie them just tightly enough. But never so tight that they hurt; Will knew that Hannibal would never harm him, even if he was angry.

This coldness didn't mean anger, not really. It only meant that Hannibal had something on his mind, and that he needed this sexual encounter to take his thoughts away from whatever was disturbing him. In effect, he was using Will as a panacea.

Will didn't mind that. He could deal with merely being a distraction.

As long as Hannibal wanted him, then all was right with his world. The only thing that would truly make him worry would be if Hannibal had told him to get dressed and leave; especially after he had prepared himself for this. That would mean something was very wrong indeed.

Since that hadn't happened, Will knew that he just had to relax and be patient, and with any luck, then his lover would talk to him after their physical intimacy was over.

He could feel Hannibal's hands on his skin, first on his hips, then moving down to part his thighs. Will took a deep breath, his muscles tightening in anticipation. The inevitable thrust would be anything but cold; in just a few moments, he would be enveloped in a fiery heat.


	16. Never Let It End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'll be lost if this ever comes to an end.

When Hannibal thrust hard and deep inside him, Will couldn't hold back a guttural moan; he wanted to scream, but somehow, that louder sound wouldn't come from his throat. It was as though his muscles were constricted, unable to produce more sound.

That didn't matter. All that mattered was that Hannibal was inside him, Hannibal was taking him, and he was gladly giving himself over to his lover.

The entire world seemed to have shrunk down to just the two of them; there was nothing outside of this room, of this moment, of the pleasure that Hannibal was giving him. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered. Will never wanted this to end.

Once this ended, then he would have to come back down to reality again.

While Hannibal was inside him, he was transported to the stars; he was flying amongst the clouds, the pleasure almost palpable. Nothing else existed; there were no cares, no worries. There was only himself and Hannibal, the only two people in the universe.

Will sent up a prayer to any deity that might exist, even though he didn't particularly believe in any of them. That prayer pleaded with whatever fate might hold him in its hands to never let this end, to let him stay in this rarefied atmosphere for the rest of his life.

That wasn't possible, and he knew it. But he still wanted to remain here, to not have to go back to the life he led that didn't include Hannibal, the life that seemed so empty whenever the man who held such sway over him wasn't always around.

Will tugged against the silken bonds that held his wrists behind his back, needing to stretch his arms out and grasp onto something, anything, whatever could keep him anchored here in this moment. But he couldn't free himself; he was bound fast, held captive.

Just as he was a captive to Hannibal's desires.

That thought coalesced in his mind just as Hannibal groaned softly and spilled into him; it only took a few seconds longer for Will to reach his own climax. He wanted to collapse on the bed, but he knew that he couldn't, not until Hannibal gave him permission to do so.

Dimly, he felt Hannibal's hands at the silk binding his wrists; it only took a few seconds for him to be freed, and Will let himself fall over onto one side.

He looked up at Hannibal, gratified to see the smile on his lover's face. He had been good; he'd done as he was told, and he had pleased his lover. That meant that he would be able to spend tonight in Hannibal's bed, and that there would be more pleasure in the morning.


	17. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal receives a letter that could change everything for Will.

Will awakened to find himself alone in Hannibal's bed; a quick glance at the clock told him that he still had a little over an hour before he had to be at work, so he wasn't late. He had just enough time to take a shower and enjoy breakfast with his lover.

It was obvious that Hannibal had already showered and gone downstairs to start his day; Will felt a little disappointed that they hadn't woken up together.

But that rarely happened, so he had no reason to feel as though he was missing out, he assured himself as he made his way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Stepping under the spray, he raised his face to the warm water, enjoying the feel of it cascading over his body.

Though he wished that spray was Hannibal's hands.

It didn't take him long to shower and dress; within fifteen minutes, he was on his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, where he assumed that Hannibal would be. He found that he wasn't wrong; the other man was at the stove, flipping pancakes.

"Good morning, Will." Hannibal glanced over his shoulder at the young man, giving him a rare smile. "I see you're up earlier than usual when you spend the night here. I'm glad of that; I wouldn't want to send you off to your day without breakfast."

Will nodded, sliding into a chair at the table. Hannibal had already put juice and coffee by his plate; he picked up the coffee, sipping it. Just the way he liked it; Hannibal made sure of that. He sighed contentedly, leaning forward, then frowning when he noticed a letter by Hannibal's plate.

"What's this?" he asked, knowing that he probably shouldn't ask, and wanting to reach out and pick up the letter, but not daring to. He knew that would more than likely annoy Hannibal; if his lover wanted to tell him what was in the letter, then he would do so in his own time.

Hannibal turned, depositing a stack of pancakes on Will's plate.

"Oh, that?" he asked, his voice deliberately nonchalant. "Oh, just a letter asking me to take a job across the country, in Los Angeles. I'm thinking about doing so. It would be a nice change of pace, and I do get tired of the cold winters here."

Will looked up, stricken, his appetite gone. Leaving? Hannibal was thinking about leaving? This letter could take his lover away from him?

He could do nothing but sit there and watch Hannibal making breakfast, knowing that the food would taste like ashes in his mouth. He had to ask about that letter and know what it said -- especially if it meant that his whole life would be turned upside down.


	18. Top of the List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal intends to let Will suffer for a while before informing him of his decision not to leave.

Hannibal sat back in his desk chair, a smile on his face as he listened to the sound of Will's car starting outside. The young man had left the house only moments ago, and the tone of his voice when he'd said goodbye was music to Hannibal's ears.

He had known that Will was in thrall to him. There had never been any doubt of that. But the letter he'd gotten this morning had proven that Will was definitely in deep.

He had no intention of taking that job offer, of course. His first order of business today would be to call and politely decline the offer, explaining that there were far too many obligations that kept him here in Baltimore, and that he couldn't possibly across the country.

Will was at the top of that list of obligations.

He didn't really have an obligation towards the young man, he corrected himself. It was more of a feeling of possession, of ownership. Will Graham _belonged_ to him, and he wasn't simply going to leave his most prized possession behind.

He knew that it would be impossible for Will to simply pull up stakes and go with him if he had decided to try new and varied pastures. Will had a life here; he was well-settled in this area, far more so than Hannibal would ever be. He belonged here.

And he certainly wasn't going to give Will up, not after all the work he'd put into training the boy to be just what Hannibal wanted. That training wasn't over yet; Will still had a long way to go, but he was working out quite satisfactorily.

He didn't love Will, but he knew that the young man loved him. He had known from the first that Will would fall for him; he had watched that process carefully, and it had been pure music washing over him when he had heard Will first mutter those three words on the verge of sleep.

Will was his. And he wouldn't just abandon a possession.

That would be terribly rude of him, wouldn't it? Will would be crushed if he left, and he knew that he would never be able to find anyone else who suited him as well as this boy did. He might not love Will, but there was a kind of affection there, in tandem with the desire.

He would tell Will tonight that he had decided to turn down the offer -- but only after he had let Will suffer through the day. He might even wait a day or two.

Whichever route he decided to take, he knew that Will's spoken gratitude for him not leaving would be more music to his ears. He hadn't decided just how he would have Will show his gratitude, but he was sure that it would be most pleasurable -- for both of them.


	19. Defeated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want to face Hannibal again now that he thinks his lover is leaving him.

Will's feet dragged as he made himself go up the steps to Hannibal's front door; he didn't really want to see his lover at the moment. It hurt to think that Hannibal would simply pack up and leave him behind, that he didn't want to stay here with him.

He didn't blame Hannibal for wanting to take a job that he might be more interested in than keeping his practice here in Baltimore, but still, it felt like a betrayal.

He didn't want to talk to his lover about it, didn't want to listen to Hannibal wax enthusiastic about going off to some new place and leaving Will behind. He was sure that Hannibal would find someone else to replace him quite easily, but he didn't want to think about that.

At the moment, he just wanted to wallow in his misery.

Maybe he would manage to forget about Hannibal eventually, Will told himself as he raised his hand to press the doorbell. Maybe he would even find someone else to love. But he would never find someone who could be all to him that Hannibal was.

He would never find another lover like Hannibal. There would never be anyone else who could touch him in the way that Hannibal did, no one else who could bring him that certain kind of freedom. He felt completely dispirited, defeated, as though his life was at an end.

Essentially, it would be, without Hannibal here with him. He would feel as though he was half a person, living a life that no longer held any savor or fulfillment for him. Without Hannibal by his side, the future didn't seem like something to look forward to.

Will had never felt so utterly defeated before; all he wanted to do was to go home, collapse on his bed, and cry until there were no tears left. But he had told Hannibal he would be here tonight, so here he was. He couldn't let his lover down.

Even though it felt like that was just what Hannibal was doing to him.

He couldn't blame Hannibal, he told himself firmly. Baltimore wasn't exactly the kind of place where a man like Hannibal could fit in easily. He had often thought that his lover was a man alone, set apart by his eccentricities and cosmopolitan tastes.

When the door swung open, he forced a wan smile, not saying anything, not even a greeting. He stepped into the foyer as Hannibal moved aside, closing the door behind him.

Will dreaded turning to face Hannibal, but he knew that he would have to do so sooner or later. Steeling himself to meet the other man's gaze and see the pity and regret there, he slowly turned around to face his lover, unsure of what he was going to say.


	20. Dim Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want his time with Hannibal to become nothing more than a memory.

What was he going to say? Will asked himself, opening his mouth to speak and then closing it again. Was he going to wish Hannibal well in his new life, pretend that he wasn't devastated and feeling abandoned already, before Hannibal had even left?

He wasn't ready to talk about it. Not now, not ever.

He had no idea what to say; all he could think was that in far too short a time, his relationship with Hannibal would be nothing more than a memory.

He wanted more than just memories; he wanted to be with Hannibal, to stay with him no matter where he went. He could leave the FBI, or he could ask to be transferred. There was no reason that he and his lover should have to part.

That was merely grasping at straws, but they were all he had.

Will followed Hannibal into the office and sat down, still silent. He didn't know what they would talk about in this session, but he was sure that at some point, their discussion would come around to the fact that his lover was leaving. It was inevitable.

He didn't want to talk about that. He couldn't. He was sure that if Hannibal brought up the subject, if he started to talk about it with enthusiasm, as though he was happy about leaving, then he would lose it. He'd burst into tears in front of Hannibal, and he didn't want that.

There was nothing for him to do but sit there, silently, wondering how Hannibal was going to open their session. He dreaded those first words; he dreaded Hannibal starting to talk about what would happen when he left, about him getting another psychiatrist.

He didn't want to talk to anyone else about himself. No one else would understand him, not in the way that Hannibal did. And there was no point in telling Hannibal that he wasn't going to have any other lovers in his life. Hannibal wouldn't believe him.

He surely couldn't think that Will would take this in his stride.

No, Hannibal couldn't be that callous. He had to know how wrenching this was for Will, hos devastated and completely deflated he felt. Even if he'd never experienced those kinds of feelings himself, he had to know what they would be like for someone else.

Maybe Hannibal wanted to leave because he wanted Will out of his life. Maybe he _wanted_ the two of them to become nothing more than a dim memory.

That idea hurt more than he wanted to admit.

The thought occurred to Will suddenly, sneaking up on him and making him gasp aloud, his eyes widening. Hannibal looked at him curiously, leaning forward, and Will knew that it was time for them to start talking about the future -- a future he wasn't ready to face.


	21. Please Don't Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will can't bear the thought of Hannibal going away and leaving him behind.

"Will, you look like a thundercloud," Hannibal told him, the corners of his mouth turning down in a frown. "I don't know what you could be so upset about, so you had better tell me. If it's anything that I've done, then we can talk it through."

Will didn't want to talk it through. He wanted to rage, and then cry on Hannibal's shoulder -- and beg his lover not to leave. Was it so wrong of him to want to cling to the man he loved, the man he needed more than he had ever needed anything in his life?

Of course he was wrong. He didn't have the right to hold Hannibal back.

If taking this job in California was what Hannibal needed, then he should go. And if his leaving destroyed Will's life, then that was just collateral damage, he told himself. He didn't have the right to think he mattered that much in the grand scheme of Hannibal's future.

But he _wanted_ to matter. He wanted to feel as though he meant just as much to Hannibal as his lover meant to him.

He needed to feel that he was important, that he held some place in Hannibal's life. He didn't want to think that he could be easily tossed aside and forgotten; he wanted to think that he was important to Hannibal, that the other man didn't want to leave him behind.

That probably wasn't the truth. Hannibal probably needed to find a way to end their relationship calmly and completely, and taking a job far away from Will was an easy way to do so. He was trying to let Will down easy. Will thought he should be grateful for that.

But how was he supposed to feel grateful when it felt as though his entire world was coming to an end? It was simply too much to ask.

Sighing, he finally managed to turn his gaze to Hannibal, knowing that he had to face his lover before he could say the words that needed so desperately to come out. "I don't want you to take that job," he said, his voice a cracked whisper. "Please don't leave."

Hannibal's lips curved into a smile, one that made Will's heart skip a beat.

"Will, you didn't really think that I was going to take that job, did you?" Hannibal asked him, leaning forward and resting a hand on his shoulder. "I declined this afternoon, with a phone call. I wasn't going to simply go away and leave you here."

Will wanted to scream for joy, to jump up and run around, to dance and sing. Hannibal wasn't leaving him. Hannibal was staying here. Suddenly, the dark clouds that had seemed to consume his day melted away, leaving only happiness in their wake.


	22. Recover From You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal tells Will just why he decided not to move away from Baltimore.

Will breathed a sigh of relief, leaning back in his chair and staring at Hannibal. "So you knew all day that you wouldn't be leaving," he whispered, unable to believe that Hannibal had let him worry about this all day long, until his anxiety level was through the roof.

He should have expected that, really. He had no right to expect Hannibal to call him with the news of his decision not to leave.

He wasn't that important in Hannibal's life, was he? Even though he liked to think that he was the driving force behind his lover's every waking moment, he knew realistically that he wasn't, and never would be. Still, it would be nice for Hannibal to consider his feelings.

"Will? Are you annoyed with me?" Hannibal's voice cut into his thoughts.

A very soft voice. Hannibal was speaking gently now, his gaze riveted on Will's face. "I know that it came as a shock to you to think that I might leave. And I will be honest -- it was a great temptation. It may take you a while to recover from that."

Will nodded, feeling numb. So Hannibal _had_ been tempted to leave, to calmly turn his back on all that he knew here, and leave Will behind. He should have expected that, too. No one would turn down a great job in an exciting place without a lot of thought.

"But you see, I didn't leave," Hannibal told him, reaching out to take one of Will's hands in his own, gently bending the younger man's slender fingers back and forth. "I couldn't. Do you know why, Will?" Those dark eyes were on his face, the question hanging in the air between them.

Will shook his head, unable to speak for a moment. He had no idea why Hannibal had chosen not to leave; he _was_ certain that it had nothing to do with their relationship. Hannibal could easily have found another submissive; it wouldn't be that hard for him.

"I didn't leave because I couldn't bear not to have you in my life."

Will's eyes widened, his gaze locking with Hannibal's. He could hardly believe the words he was hearing; Hannibal hadn't wanted to leave _him_. He _did_ mean something to Hannibal -- obviously, quite a lot. The thought made his heart soar.

"You are still recovering from a host of problems, Will. I did not want to add recovery from me to that list." Hannibal smiled slightly, tilting his head. "And to be quite truthful, I doubt that it would have been easy for me to recover from you."

Those words ran in Will's ears as Hannibal pulled him to his feet, their gazes still locked. Lips parted, blue eyes wide, Will waited, wondering what his lover would say next.


	23. Obedience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is more than willing to give Hannibal anything he wants.

Hannibal stood there and stared at him for what felt like an eternity to Will. His blue eyes were wide, lips parted, waiting for a kiss that seemed as though it would never come. When it did, it took Will by surprise, startling him into a shocked gasp.

Hannibal's arms pulled him close, hands moving down his back to cup his ass. Then Hannibal's hips were grinding against his, the other man's erection evident.

Hannibal wanted him -- that was more than obvious. And Will wasn't going to say to anything Hannibal might want, not when he felt that he had just come perilously close to losing the man he loved. He would do anything that Hannibal asked of him, anything at all.

A kiss, an embrace, a quick fuck. Whatever Hannibal wanted, he would get.

The kiss was as bruising and punishing as it was erotic; Will leaned into it, opening his mouth further and letting Hannibal explore the warm cavern with his tongue. He wanted to let Hannibal take all that he wanted; he wasn't going to close himself off in any way.

Somehow, he had to show Hannibal that he was grateful not to be left behind, thankful beyond words that his lover was staying here with him. He had to let Hannibal know just how much that meant to him without being obvious about it.

He wanted to melt into this kiss, wanted to wrap himself around Hannibal and never let go. But he knew that wasn't what his lover wanted --- yes, Hannibal wanted him, but Hannibal wanted him on his own terms, not Will's. He would have to follow the other man's lead.

Hannibal's hands shifted on his body, moving up his back, then down again to rest lightly on his hips. Will knew what that meant -- Hannibal wanted him to step away, head down, eyes averted, and wait to be told what it was that his lover wanted of him.

Will did as he was told, stepping away with difficulty.

It was so hard to back away from Hannibal when he wanted him so badly, especially when he felt that he'd almost lost the man who owned his heart. But he would do what his lover wanted, do what he was told. That kind of obedience was what drew them together.

When Hannibal's words came, they were soft, almost loving. "Go up to the bedroom and strip, Will. I'll join you shortly. I feel a great need for you tonight."

Those words made Will's heart leap, and brought a smile to his lips that he couldn't hold back. Slowly, he raised his head to see Hannibal smiling at him; that smile told him everything that he needed to know. His lover was just as joyous as he was that they hadn't lost each other.


	24. Hollow Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want to be one of Hannibal's regrets.

He had won a victory. Hadn't he?

Will pondered that thought as he stood in the shower the next morning, letting the hot water pounding down on him wash away the aches and pains from the night before. He was bruised black and blue, but the bruises signified that victory.

Hannibal wasn't leaving. His lover was staying here with him, in Baltimore. Hannibal needed him; he didn't want to leave.

They were happy together. Weren't they? Will bit his lip as he considered the possibility that Hannibal might only be staying because he felt some kind of responsibility to Will as his submissive, not because he really wanted to be here.

That thought had bothered him ever since last night.

That thought was definitely enough to take the edge off his happiness, to make him feel that he shouldn't expect Hannibal to stay here. It was exhilarating to think that Hannibal needed him and didn't want to leave him -- but was it the absolute truth?

He wanted to tell himself that Hannibal wouldn't lie to him, but he knew that wasn't necessarily true. His lover was the kind of man who didn't always see things in black and white; if he felt that he had to tell an untruth to placate someone, then he would do it.

But would Hannibal lie to _him_? They had shared so much; Will had given his body and soul to this man. He trusted Hannibal with his life, even though there were times when he felt uneasy with that decision and wondered if he'd done the right thing.

Should he trust Hannibal? Had he really won a victory? Or was Hannibal staying against his better judgement? He didn't want to feel like he wast just one more obligation for Hannibal, something that his lover would come to resent.

He didn't want to be one of Hannibal's regrets.

But how did he ask Hannibal how he really felt? If he did that and asked directly, then Hannibal might think that Will didn't believe what he had been told. He didn't want the man he loved to believe that Will thought he was lying.

So he should just keep his mouth shut, he told himself as he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. It should be enough that Hannibal was staying.

Yet somehow, it wasn't. Yes, it was a victory of a sort, but it felt hollow. He couldn't help feeling that there was some other secret behind Hannibal wanting to stay here, one that had nothing to do with him. One that was too dangerous for him to know about.

Whatever that secret was, Will didn't think he wanted to know.


	25. Gilded Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will can't help feeling that his freedom is transitory, and that he's really living in a limited cage.

Will stretched his lean body out on the couch in his living room, looking over at the dogs slumbering in their baskets and on the rug. They, at least, seemed happy. Their lives were going just the way they were intended to, with no bumps in the road.

There were times when he wished he could be like his dogs, happy and comfortable with everything around him, nothing to disturb his quiet peacefulness.

But things couldn't be that way for a human, he told himself with a soft sigh. Especially not when he was a human who had needs and desires that most people didn't even think about, desires that most would turn away from and find repugnant.

Hannibal was the only person who could assuage those desires.

He wanted Hannibal, with all of his mind, body and soul. He had never been as happy as he'd felt when Hannibal had told him that he was going to stay in Baltimore, that the two of them would still be together. But yet, there was something missing from that happiness.

Yes, Hannibal was staying with him -- but the victory was bittersweet. He couldn't help wondering if his lover was staying here more out of a sense of responsibility to him and their relationship than because he really wanted to stay -- and that stung more than it should.

He didn't want to be an obligation for Hannibal -- he wanted to be Hannibal's desire, just as the other man was his. He wanted Hannibal to be glad that he had stayed, rather than being one of his lover's regrets. He didn't think he could stand knowing that Hannibal might be unhappy.

But it wasn't as though he could ask the other man if he was happy with his decision or not; that would feel as though he was intruding on Hannibal's thoughts, and he'd been warned about that. It was a line that he wasn't allowed to cross.

Hannibal had given him a certain kind of freedom -- but maybe he wasn't so free after all.

There were times when his freedom to be himself, to explore his needs and desires, felt almost like a gilded cage. He was free to roam within the confines of that cage, but he could never cross out of it, never truly stretch his wings and let himself fly.

So, it wasn't really freedom, was it? Will sighed, closing his eyes and pushing that thought away. It didn't really matter. Not when he considered all that Hannibal gave him.

Even if his wings were slightly clipped, this was the kind of freedom that he had wanted, that he had always longed for. So if he was kept in a gilded cage, then he had to learn to accept the limits of that cage -- or eventually meet his end trying to escape from it.


End file.
